And it’s not just women who have disappeared. I’ve apparently disappeared as well although I’m not really complaining. My angst is one of disappointment. Since my retirement almost 10 years ago, I’ve really made an effort to stay in touch with those from my working past. Regardless of the mode of communication, many of these efforts go unheeded. No response. Ignored. Wow! I’m talking about communicating with people I know. Apparently, those that are still in career mode are just too busy, or worse yet, don’t care. Maybe somewhere along the line I inadvertently insulted them? If I did, I apologize. Still, many of my attempts are nothing more than an effort to stay connected, to exchange pleasantries, a genuine interest in one’s welfare or status. Other communications are specific in nature, e.g., questions about a project, something that I thought would be in his/her own interests as well as mine. Apparently not.
As we age we learn that people come in and out of our lives. Maybe it’s easier for some to just let go and move on. It certainly validates the notion that we all have a breadth of acquaintances. What we do not have is a depth of friends. Sadly, by ignoring an outreach underscores the difference between the two.
Regardless, it’s just plane rude. No more no less than an unsolicited negative response to a posting on this very platform. Statements are not always invitations for others to opine. When I am reaching out, it seems to go unanswered, and when I am not–Oh well you get the picture. It will be interesting for many when he/she no longer carry a business card or wear a speakers lanyard to verify their existence. Maybe it’s vestiges of tribalism, a tribe where one is no longer a member. Maybe some of us never were to start with. Whether its your Alma mater that delves out accolades to those with fewer accomplishments, professional associations with their inner circles, or the separation between tenure tracks and adjuncts, they all make it clear whether your worthy of their time, or not.
Fortunately, this post work time of life opens a plethora of new opportunities and new friends. Avenues that are not really clear to those even in their 50s and early 60s. In an effort to bridge the phases of maturation, I have always tried to hold on while moving on. Apparently, its impossible to do.
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Thanks, Steve.
As I read Holding on While Moving On, couldn’t help but feel that you’ve put your finger on the pulse of the age we live in. I stopped working full time 3+ years ago and working part time launched a non-profit community reinvestment start-up, which focuses on strategies for severely distressed HOAs with CC&Rs. Nearly four years on this path, we are just now starting to approach milestones that will hopefully lead to achieving sustainability and scale.
Yes, I understand that being a first mover in a space carries great challenges among them, we are not able to broadly publicize the project. Being “invisible” multiplies those challenges, when so many view your identity and your accomplishments through a rear view mirror – nearly exclusively in the past.
Not complaining just being candid . . . . . I am frequently reminded of my chronological age, experience, working network of contacts and our society’s preoccupation these days with viewing nearly everything through the lens of social media. Doing my best but not sure I’ll ever get accustomed to it.
Thanks again for sharing your observations.
Respectfully,
Scott Kutner